An expectant mother has created trouble in her family after lying to her mother-in-law about the sex of her baby.
The mom-to-be took to Reddit for help with the situation, explaining that she felt pressured by her husband’s family to throw a gender reveal party.
Beforehand, her mother-in-law kept pestering her to tell her the gender of the baby even though she didn’t know, and to keep her quiet she finally relented and said she was having a girl, even though it was just a guess.
The woman made her mother-in-law swear to secrecy, but things got difficult the day it was revealed that she was having a boy, and all the guests had brought gifts for a girl.
She leaned in close and whispered to me that I made her look stupid. I reminded her that she had promised not to tell anyone,’ the woman explained, adding that her husband wants her to apologize to her mother.
Reddit users were split, with some siding with the mom-to-be telling her not to give up, while others saying she had lost her moral high ground after lying.
An expectant mother turned to the American social forum Reddit for help after lying to her mother-in-law about the gender of her baby (file image)
Explaining the situation in her post, the mom-to-be said she only agreed to a gender reveal party because “her husband’s family made such a big deal out of it.”
‘My mother-in-law was convinced that I knew the gender and insisted that I tell her. I did not at all and told him that fact,” she wrote.
It wore me out after a month of bugging me about it. She begged me and promised that she wouldn’t tell anyone. All this was in the texts. I told her that she was a girl.
“I thought it was a 50/50 chance and I’d get it off my back.”
When the day of the party arrived, it quickly became clear that the mother-in-law had broken her promise not to tell anyone.
“When we cut the cake to reveal a blue interior, there was a really awkward silence,” the woman wrote. “She had literally told all the guests on her side of the family so they could bring the appropriate gifts.
My friends and family quickly rallied to congratulate us on our son.
The woman sent a text message to her mother-in-law to tell her that she was having a girl. But, in a twisted turn of events, it turns out that the future grandmother had also told a lie.
She leaned in close and whispered to me that I made her look stupid. I reminded her that she had PROMISED not to tell anyone.
She said she never promised so I showed her our text conversation. Some family members were there when I did that, so they heard her admit that she lied and that she never meant to keep that promise.
“She said it was an a*** move and I only did it to embarrass her. I reminded her again that she had told him on multiple occasions that she did not know the gender.
‘My husband wants me to apologize to keep the peace. I probably will, but I don’t think he was a jerk like she seems to think.
Many commenters sided with the mom-to-be, with one warning her not to apologize.
DO NOT set a precedent where she has the right to do whatever she wants and you have to agree to “keep the peace”. That’s toxic shit,’ they wrote.
‘Have a long talk with your husband about why he is defending his mother’s appalling behaviour, not just the lies, but the constant previous bullying! Where was he when she was hounding you about the sex of the baby?
‘Why didn’t you stop him then? And why, of all things, does she think you should apologize to her, and not the other way around?
Some people who had been through similar experiences took to Reddit to reveal their own stories, advising the mom-to-be not to apologize.
If he keeps putting his mom first, and yes, he’s definitely putting her ahead of you, then you’ll never be able to set boundaries with your mother-in-law.
Don’t want me to post photos on Facebook? Too much! Don’t you want her to be the person to take your child to her first haircut? Oopsie she just walked by lol omg! Do you want to plan the first birthday party yourself? Looks like your mother-in-law invited all of her friends and she’s going to elbow you out of photos! And your husband will stand there uselessly and he will tell you not to be angry, she is like that, you know?
Sit your husband down and tell him it’s time to start acting like a husband and father. The time to be mommy’s boy is long overdue, and if he can’t put you and your son first, he may not deserve either of you.
Another similarly added: ‘I lived this. It took me 10 years to deal with it. Don’t sacrifice the 10 years of family celebrations this woman has. Trust me, she’s not worth it.
‘You will do the job of raising that child, you deserve to enjoy every milestone in peaceful enjoyment. This is what I wish I had told my mother-in-law.
‘You’ve already used all the crap I have to give on our relationship. You have a place in my life as long as you make me smile or make my life easier. If you don’t, you’re out.
Others agreed to apologize, but with a twist.
One wrote: “I’m sorry you embarrassed yourself by lying” is the only apology he’d be willing to give.
However, others were less understanding, saying the mother-to-be was just as bad for lying to her mother-in-law in the first place.
Another added their version of what the apology would look like: “Sorry to think you could act like an adult.”
Some users have come across the father-to-be writing: “The husband is probably used to his mother’s behavior and doesn’t want to deal with her arguing.” If he’s dealt with this his whole life, I can see how he wants to keep the peace and move on. But he does need to have a backbone if he’s going to be a father anytime soon!
Another user said: ‘The husband didn’t marry the mother which means you better jump on this forum to apologize properly.
‘If your mother-in-law doesn’t get in the right lane, the best is yet to come. All apologies must come from him, if that’s what she feels is necessary. Now, would you like to continue this farce?
One person who had been through a similar experience shared what he would say: ‘It’s clear you don’t trust me, as you didn’t believe me when I told you repeatedly that I didn’t know. Now it’s clear that I can’t trust you. Sorry, we had to learn that lesson in such a public way.
‘Also, I dealt with this same bitch when I had my daughter. We didn’t find out the sex of the baby before she was born.
‘So many people were worried about what he was going to get. I told them to get something they were comfortable with a girl or boy wearing. We got a lot of grey, but other people understood that colors don’t mean anything about sex or sexuality and we got a lot of fun stuff too.’
Another user wrote: ‘I’ve never been a fan of apologizing to keep the peace. In practice, it doesn’t really keep the peace.
It simply means having to submit to the most strident and unreasonable voice in the neighborhood. Simply saying “yes” to appease a baby is a uniformly terrible idea, even if that baby is old enough to collect social security.
Another chimed in by sharing their anger over the situation, writing: ‘She lied to you. So she said that her own documented lie of hers was your attempt to make her look bad?
‘I’m flabbergasted, honestly, by the sheer stupidity. And I’m deeply disappointed that her husband, a grown man and soon to be a father, thinks he should apologize.
‘But my real concern is your future and the future of your baby. Your mother-in-law is going to get worse, not better.
‘Your husband will side with her “to keep the peace.” Two against one is not a fair fight. You will always lose and, I’m afraid, so will your baby, ultimately.
Another added: ‘Keep the peace. What peace? There has never been peace with your mother-in-law.
He’s been pressuring you to give in to his whims all this time. From the gender reveal party you didn’t want, to knowing your gender before the party.
“How else have you been overbearing and intrusive?” It’s not keeping the peace, it’s pacifying a toxic adult.
“Peace will only happen when she finally knows that she’s not the main character, and sadly, it seems like you’re going to have to be the one to teach her that lesson.”
One more added: ‘Don’t apologize for his mistake and loudmouth. This will teach him to never put pressure on you again.
‘Keep your limits, especially with birth. Don’t tell him until after the baby is born. Tell your husband to grow his spine. He can’t please two women. He cannot be a son and a husband at the same time. Keeping the peace means letting her walk all over you.
One person took a different stance, saying that the future mother-in-law is just as bad as her mother-in-law: ‘You behaved the same way as your mother-in-law. You deliberately lied to him. The fact that you had a 50/50 chance of getting away with it doesn’t change that fact. What if she had been a girl? So the other side of the family would have felt betrayed that you didn’t tell them.
You could have blocked her, told your husband that his mother is his responsibility, or set proper boundaries for the future. Instead, you lied.
‘When you are a parent, remember this lesson and don’t try to lie out of an awkward situation. Because right now you’re on the path to do that and be like your mother-in-law.
Others agreed: “Instead of taking on someone who didn’t respect your boundaries, you chose to lie and make them look like an asshole.”
“Willfully lying and humiliating a father-in-law may feel good and like you’ve gained some kind of moral advantage, but it’s actually an absurd move that will create a lot of drama and discomfort.”
Another user thought similarly, adding: ‘You are blaming your mother-in-law for crossing your boundaries and harassing you, which was very wrong.
‘BUT you told a lie to get your mother-in-law off your back because you didn’t stand up to her. If you had stood your ground, this drama would not have happened.
‘You need to learn to keep boundaries with your mother-in-law. She just showed you her true colors. You will be the protector of your son. Learn to be strong.
And you have to talk to your husband so that he supports you. He is the biggest jerk for not having your back. If he’s already throwing you under the bus because his mommy is upset, you have a marriage problem.
Another user commented: ‘Your mother in law sounds exhausting and unreliable. But now you’re not trustworthy either. You knowingly lied to him. You said your baby was a girl and you didn’t know if she was.
‘You’re not your mother-in-law’s embarrassing motherfucker, that’s her fault, but you lied to her when you told her you were having a girl (you had a 50/50 chance, but she didn’t tell her she was guessing).
‘Lying to someone but making sure they promise not to tell others still makes you a liar. Nobody here has clean hands.
I’m Rajat Rana, born and brought up in Hamirpur – Himachal Pradesh. I have completed my graduation in the field of Computer Science and presently pursuing Masters in Computer Application. I am associated with Elite News as an Editor in Chief, since 2021. I take care of all the news operations like content, budget, hiring and policy making Please feel free to contact me for any feedback/suggestions or further assistance. I’m available at: [email protected]